Memories of Magifest
On what I hoped would be an uneventful day in the late summer of 2024 I reached the point in my morning where I settle down with a cup of coffee and check my email. The third item down caught my eye. It was titled "Memories of MagiFest" and the sender's name was "Mildew".

Some considerable time had passed since I had heard anything from Flash. This is not unusual and I have learned to neither worry about him nor to relish the thought that he might be gone for good. As long as there is magic there will be Flash.

It seems that an author well known to the magic community has been asked to write a book celebrating the history of the long-running (since 1931) MagiFest convention. The book will have a section devoted to memories, recollections, and quotes from people who have been to MagiFest over the years. The author carpet bombed the inboxes of magicians using a mailing list of questionable origin -- questionable because it apparently included an entry for Flash Mildew. The email included a set of eight questions to which the author hoped recipients might respond in whole or part along with a promise that "everyone who responds will be thanked in the book."

In the many years I have known Flash I have never seen him complete anything, not even a single one of his shows. To my amazement the response from Flash on which I was cc'd included full-sentance answers to all eight questions. I will grant that few of the answers actually related back to the specific question asked, but this is still a remarkable achievement.

Below is the complete text of Flash Mildew's email response:

What? Someone wants my memories of MagiFest? Is there any money in this? No. Is there any publicity in this? I will be thanked in the book. It's not much, but I can't afford to be picky. OK, here we go:

Disclosure: I do not know exactly when (or even if) I ever attended this "MagiFest" of which you write. I've been thrown out of so many magic conventions that they all run together in my head. MagiFest isn't the one held in Guadalajara in the early 80’s is it? I certainly remember them.

On reflection, the clearest memories I have are of my time in the fifth grade, so I have modified your questions to refer to those events. I hope that you find favor in this change.

1) What was the first year you attended THE FIFTH GRADE?
That would be 1963 – with returns engagements in 1964 and 1965.
2) What is the greatest single trick (or act) you’ve ever seen in THE FIFTH GRADE?
I remember seeing a girl named Nancy climbing to the top of the jungle gym and performing a full layout back flip dismount in an attempt to shake loose her last baby tooth. It worked, but the jarring landing forced her to swallow the tooth.
3) What is the most remarkable thing you’ve seen for sale in the dealer room at THE FIFTH GRADE?
We didn’t have a dealer room at Roberts elementary. The dealer hung around just outside the chain-link fence at the east end of the teachers' parking lot. He didn’t have anything remarkable to sell, but he did have a great panther tattoo on his arm. The red eyes really pierced your soul.
4) What was the best (and/or most unusual) lecture you’ve ever attended at THE FIFTH GRADE?
I remember fondly a lecture given by David Fisher out on the playground: "Where Babies Come From". The lecture didn't have any new material, but he took extra care in the illustrations drawn with a stick in the dirt.
5) What was the best session moment you’ve had at THE FIFTH GRADE?
Yoyos were a big thing in the fifth grade, before they were outlawed. Larry Tappan and I were working on our "Walk the Dog" together out in the breezeway when both of our yoyo strings broke simultaneously and our yoyos both darted away and thru the conveniently just-opened door into the administrator's wing. We did not pursue.
6) If you have ever competed in a contest at THE FIFTH GRADE, what year, and how did it go?
I competed in the spelling bee each year, as it was mandatory. Spelling was not my strength, but by my third year I had become familiar with the list of words they used without modification for the event. I made it thru four rounds and there were only three of us left. Unfortunately, they ran out of words on "the list" and had to improvise. I was tripped up by "scruples" -- a word outside my experience.
7) What is the most "It could only happen at THE FIFTH GRADE" thing you've ever seen?
I believe that I still have a non-disclosure agreement in place that prohibits me from discussing that thing I saw. I'll check on this and get back to you if possible.
8) How would you sum up what THE FIFTH GRADE means to you?
I made a number of important contacts during my tenure in the fifth grade. I continued corresponding with several of my juvenile parole and probation officers for many years.