Flash Mildew, Magician and Soulless Bottom Feeder

An Interview with The Master

I had just read an internet interview of a magi who goes by the moniker "Head Lemming" conducted by another fellow known as "The Golden Iguana" when my doorbell rang, and I found an old friend standing on my doorstep. I invited Flash Mildew in as the Greyhound bus left in a cloud of dust. He spoke not a word, but dropped his satchel and walked straight to my refrigerator to find a beer. When he returned, I scrolled back up into the text of the interview to toss a few questions his way:

MJ: Flash, we don't agree on everything, do we?
FM: Yes we do.
MJ: No, we don't...
FM: YES, WE DO!
MJ: How about your feeling on columnists such as Max Maven or Racherbaumer?
FM: I want to bear their children.
MJ: Any specific feelings about the last year of television specials?
FM: I was disappointed that there was not a new "Return to Gilligan's Island" movie.
MJ: What do you like best about performing?
FM: The part where I get paid.
MJ: The least?
FM: The part where the check comes back from the bank.
MJ: What's the most important book on Magic you have ever read?
FM: There are books?
MJ: Do you have a favorite effect?
FM: Yes, the last one I did that the audience liked.
MJ: Have you performed that effect recently?
FM: Not since 1978.
MJ: Have you noticed that the outstanding performers tend to be their own harshest critics?
FM: I wouldn't know.
MJ: Do you believe in a high level of technical ability, or the "it's okay to be a klutz, I can do self-workers and concentrate on entertainment" theory?
FM: I find it difficult to concentrate on anything, but I believe I'll have another beer.
MJ: Where do you think Magic will be twenty years from now?
FM: Well, next week I'm booked at the Elks hall in Twin Falls -- maybe they'll have me back in 2016?
MJ: What positive aspects await the future of Magic?
FM: I'm thinking about retirement.