A discussion of the singing bird clock by people who have one.

I got quite a laugh over this page. I just asked my supervisor if there was any money left in our budget for a--you guessed it--Singing Bird Clock. So, if anyone wants to donate one to my class, we promise not to be offended!

Thanks, Viki

[Editor's note: Viki and her class now have a bird clock -- I sent them mine, with no return address.]

I must admit, I have not had one of these clocks. But should I ever get one, I might consider changing the recording. Here are a few recording suggestions that may (but most likely not) a-peal (bad pun intended):

For a Discworld fan, get a recording of the Unseen University's bell.
For a Zen-a-phobe, the sound of one hand clapping.
For a sadist, get a recording of an audience from any one of Flash's appearances.
For jazz fans, get a jazz drummer to record the tick tocks (ticktick tock... ticktock tock tock... tick etc.).
And for a gift to annoy, get it to play (every hour) "It's a Small World After All".

I am trying to find the maker of my Singing Bird Clock because I feel that my clock is not singing correctly. It emits a horrible metalic noise which my co-workers says will cause future nightmares. Even a bird-lover at my work site says it doesn't sound right. Can you offer me any suggestions as how to replace this clock without involving the gift-giver? Email me at mranta@jps.net if you have any excellent suggestions. Thanks for the listen. I feel that I received a lemon and would like to exchange it.

Mark,
I can easily see where you are coming from. I too, got a "Singing Bird Clock" for Christmas. I, had to act as if I couldn't live without it. It was a gift from my 8yo son. Believe it or not, now my father wants one. As well as driving me to the point of insanity, my two dogs have started covering their ears with their paws. It is pretty sad around here..
Thanks for listening, Billy

Nicely done, Mark. Perhaps only a biologist can really discern how dreadful these clocks are. I'll take a cuckoo clock any day of the week (or hour of the day); at least they're not marketed as portraying authentic birdsong.

Yet another astonished biologist,
RheaT

While Christmas shopping this past year, my husband and I came across these dread ful clocks. The unfortunate part about the experience is that my husband actually wanted to purchase one for my father. He was convinced that this would be the "perfect" gift for my dad. For the duration of our shopping excursion (and beyond), my husband continued to "harass" me about this gift idea.

We made it out of the mall without a bird clock (despite his persistance) but upon arriving at my parent's house at Christmas, he secretly told my dad about the clock. After all the gifts were opened, my dad announced (in an attempt to continue my husband's harassment) that he had a wonderful Christmas... but his only regret was that nobody got him one of those "really cool" bird clocks. That unfortunately, has started the "bird clock family joke". In fact, my brother was kind enough to send me this highly entertaining site... which I will be sure to share with my husband.

Thanks!
Cheri

P.S. I would love to give my dad exactly what he asked for... so if any of you are looking to "unload" your bird clocks, please e-mail me at jbcb@mvn.net. You know what they say... "be careful what you ask for..."

I work in the Pentagon and we have one in the office, at the turn of the hour we are serenaded by the featured bird shortly followed by a barrage of gunfire "wav" files that we have downloaded from the net. It helps to have the files readily available on the "desktop" for a quick-draw. This practice has struck a nice balance between the "Watchers" and the "Hunters".

This is hilarious. I was looking to order some singing bird clocks as gag gifts for two of my friends. Yes, we received the nice and annoying thing for Christmas. My husband had the audacity to actually hang it up. Lucky me, a person at home all day - gets to listen to it, day in, day out, day in, day out, day in, day out....

Mark,
I do NOT have a bird clock, but I actually BOUGHT a HORSE CLOCK for my wife!!

Oh, do I RUE the day! It has NO variation...just blatant neighing on the hour. Two batteries quickly came out to silence the maddening din. But, it continues to tick away at about 70-decibels throughout the day and night.

Nuts.

John in Atlanta

I haven't decided if you work for the "Singing Bird Clock" people or not; it's not exactly obvious. I also understand your comment about the concept being an "abomination", but please think about the folks who live in areas where there aren't many birds due to pollution, urbanization, etc etc; shouldn't they be comforted by the recorded songs of birds? Face it, we're very much in an Orwellian world & nothing is going to change that-it's been too late since the Industrial Revolution, if not before. One has to believe in heaven in order to be cheerful under these circumstances! Let me get to the real reason I'm writing, however; my bird clock keeps malfunctioning, which makes me sad and angry. I spent $20 for what? The TV STORE has been good about replacing it so far, but frankly it's tiring to have to keep exchanging these clocks.

I don't have one of the bird clocks, but have seen them at friend's houses. None of these friends knew anything about birds, and so neither the pictures nor the sounds meant Jack Squat to them. So what I propose is that we make a new version which will be more recognizable to the urban-avian-challenged. Let's put a starling at noon, a grackle at one, a house sparrow at three, a crow at four and so on---what my brother calls the "grunt birds." Or better yet, how about putting a house finch at every hour, except with a squirrel gnawing a $50 feeder to shreds at noon.

Hope this helps,

Thomas Henry

Cool page! I like the comment from the Pentagon staffer the best. The singing birds begat a whole series of talkative clocks, including: Dogs, horses (noted below), cats, Rugrats, Christmas carols and trains. I am anxious to find more. Surely someone has done a WWF clock, a NASCAR clock, a Dr. Laura clock ("FEELINGS! I don't want to hear about your FEELings!").

If you know of other variations on the theme, please send the URLs to cmartin@denverpost.com.

Thanks.

Claire

I like mine. I bypassed the photoresistor so it sings all night, in fact.

I would have liked one with extinct birds, for teaching to a local mockingbird, in case he encounters an ornithologist someday.

[This guy is evil! I like him. - Mark]

Made the mistake of giving one of these without listening to it first. Went to visit my friends home and begged them to trash it, they wouldn't. I was sitting there and heard what sounded like a strange naimal in their wall and jumped out of my skin. It was that darn clock. I am now too ashamed to go visit, and have begged them not to tell anyone where they got it. By the way, it was $10 at the dollar store.
H.

I got my clock from a friend who knows nothing about birds (no surprise there). She even commented that she'd like to have one herself. Is there a tactful way for me to offer her mine?
Anyway, I got mine working and hung it up, and not only did it drive me nuts, but my cat started peeing in inappropriate places, i.e. on the walls, in corners. It took me a while to make the connection, but when I took the clock down he stopped. Guess he didn't want any birds in his territory.

Thanks for the smiles,
Marcia

I bought the bird clock for my sister & brother in law for Christmas 1999. My wife & I thought if we could get something just "educational enough" they would have to hang it for their two daughters. We were right! The gift was truly obnoxious. But they got the best of us for Christmas 2000. They sent us the Lionel train clock. Of course the agreement is all clocks must hang in a public part of the house. The train is REALLY bad. Does anyone know where I can find a Fart clock??? Let me know at kpossibly@aol.com

... Ken

Last year, as part of a family gathering, we had an awards ceremony/Chinese gift exchange (the awards were tailored for our family, and my sis supplied all of the "gifts"). Anyway, as each person got an award, he or she selected a gift from the table or took a gift someone else had already opened. Most of the gifts were promotional items that she or her husband had received, but one was -- you guessed it -- a bird clock. Guess which gift was the most sought after? That bird clock changed hands no fewer than five times! Yep, I wound up with it -- I was amused by its tackiness, and I actually needed a clock (and had been too lazy to go buy one). It amuses me to this day, though it annoyed my dad when he visited recently. We heard teh *real* call of one of the birds when we were in Colorado -- I looked at my husband, and we both said "10:00!"

We stumbled across your website while trying to buy one of these clocks on the internet. Your website probably averted what might have been the first "chirping bird clock" in Ireland, but like foot and mouth disease - which sounds just as desireable by all accounts - you helped us keep it out! We'll content ourselves with the 4.30am wakeup call of the real crows nesting in our chimney (they don't have a night time "switch off" function). Thank you. We really enjoyed the site.

Dear Mark Misanthrope:

Yes, I stumbled onto this site by sheer accident, and after sending you this message my plan is never to visit again. Of course, that is only natural, since I bought my clock myself, and am exceedingly fond of it and its singing. I find all of your criticisms to be either inventions (par example, my clock does not amplify its ticking to such an extent that I feel as if I were living in a "Telltale Heart" purgatory; in fact, I can barely hear it) or such phenomenally hysterical exaggerations that I cannot fathom why you took the time and considerable trouble to set up this site to spew them forth into the public sphere.

Ah, well, ... I suppose I should also wonder why your little virtiolic site seems to have stung me to the point of needing to spend otherwise valuable time telling you what I think of it.

In short, I find your site to be really small-minded and mean-spirited. And you certainly seem to have flushed out a goodly number of fellow Bird Clock Haters. So, I leave you to your little festival of negativity ... fare thee well, and enjoy, if you can!

Martin

Please forgive all of us for not being more like you. I was intending to buy one of these clocks you love to hate. But after viewing this ridiculous site I think I'll buy two instead.

how about putting ear plugs in your ears and pretending your deaf ,then maybe you would enjoy your clock,or how about returning it to the gift sender ,maybe they would enjoy it more then you. i bought my 87 year old mother in law one because she was near blind,she remembered what bird was for what hour then she was able to know what time it was.cant you find something in life to complain about better then this,war, abortion, abuse.come on

OK, suppose I complain about sadists who take pleasure in forcing their elderly in-law to memorize bird calls in order to tell the time? They have made clocks for hundreds of years which chime the hour and require no bird call knowledge whatsoever. You should get out of the trailer park more often -- take in a movie, read a book, maybe learn to use your shift key.

You know, I never got hate mail for this site until recently. I wonder why now?

Dear Mark,
I actually HAD a Singing Bird Clock. The birds (well, most of the birds), gradually lost their realistic and startlingly lovely chirps and tweets, resulting in many "top of the hours" being celebrated, if you will, by such anomalies as "moaning doves", "blues-birds", "suffering sparrows", "woodgrepsers" and (my favorite) "sei(zing)gulls".

Last week, I took the damn clock and its croaking tweeters and chirpers to my office, which I share with bunches of nurses, a doctor, a social worker, a dietitian, some financial types, some recreation directors, and significant others. I hung it up, early in the morning when no one was around, and they have all been suffering ever since.

BUT! @@#%** believe it or not, I really really MISS the damn clock at home! I am now on a frantic search to purchase a replacement, not for $70...but $30 or $40 would be fine, as long as the birds have not been recorded AFTER they died (like my old clock sounded).

I stumbled onto your website. I LOVE IT! I have NEVER written to a site I didn't know or have reason to trust before, and here I am, silver hair and all, beseeching you or one of your readers to give me an address or web address or phone number of somebody in America who can sell me the Real McCoy!

I shall turn to your page everyday, until someone meets this need of mine. (Sadly, I did try the Audubon Society first, and they don't handle singing bird clocks. Wonder why! They are obviously GREAT SELLERS!)

Thanks and keep in touch. This is Fun!

Caryl Wilde in Pennsylvania

I just had a letter from a producer for a British TV show who wanted one of the clocks for a prop. I found the following site that is closing the clocks out for $12.95! I have no connection to the site, but the price looks good:

I've had my Singing Bird Clock for 3 years now and consider it to be one-of-a-kind, mainly because it keeps perfect time and the light sensor actually works! The darker the romm is, the quieter the chirping. I, too, bought the variety that features the owl at 12-O-Clock. I find this to be very helpful; whenever I hear the 'HOO HOO' sound, I know what time it is without even having to look at it. My only complaint is the woodpecker. I've lost track of how many times I've gone to open the front door, thinking someone was knocking. (Oh well...)

I've been giving your new sound idea some serious thought. 'Albatross' is an excellent idea. For some of the other hours, my I suggest "Ni!" and "ikky ikky ikky tiklang neawhoom!". - Thank you

Geez. Find something more appropiate to hate than a bird clock. As for the person who bought one for an aging nearly blind relative, why not? I would think she will just say "take the damn birds away" if she doesn't like it. As for realism, a mourning dove had a conversation with my clock just last week when the window was open (the window being open because it was 72 degrees on Dec. 2 where I live).

Oh, and Mark, this isn't "hate" mail. I don't know you well enough to hate you. I just happen to have a different opinion. I hope that you can handle that.

Betsy

I think you´re jaded, and it´s really too bad (for you). I live in South America where North American birds cannot be heard. It makes me HAPPY, brings a big SMILE, each time I hear my clock signal the passing of another hour, and a lot less homesick for the States. I think my grandchildren enjoy recognizing the time by the song they hear, as well, which seems to me to be an excellent learning experience for kids (as well as adults).

The FIRST bird clock I owned was acquired through an "Odd Lots" gift exchange party. I was pretty excited... until I plugged in the batteries and heard the hideous noises it made. I received a high quality bird clock about a year later... a Christmas gift... it actually sounds very realistic (although I do put it in an inconspicuous area as I agree with your comments about the illustrations)... many guests think there is a bird in the house when they first hear it. So, there IS a difference between the $15 and more expensive models. I stumbled upon your page while searching for a clock like mine... a relative WANTS one as a Christmas gift.

Hey, lighten up. Stop and smell the roses (or in this case hear the birds.) I got a bird clock year before last for Christmas and the first thing I did was put in a switch to silence the speaker so I could turn off the sound when I got tired of it. Fifteen months later I'm still listening to the birds, and enjoying the cheerful hourly announcements, with the original set of batteries, I might add.

Enjoy already, Richard

A few months back I would have been inclined to agree with your synopsis, even though my clock was a gift from a much-loved daughter. But then .... The timing mechanism went on the blink.

Now the Great Horned Owl can warble like a Mockingbird or honk like a Canada Goose. Why is this so great? Because I'm a European birder who needs to learn a few common NA birds for that birding trip to Uncle S. So I'm on my mettle; knowing the approximate time won't help me any more to take a stab at the I\d. I just have to commit the voices to memory if I want to know the species! Well - that's my story for what it's worth.

John H. Morgan

May 2002

I think your site is hilarious. If I were to receive one of these clocks, I would definitely take the sound chip out and stomp on it. On the other hand, I guess I have a little 'trash' blood running through my veins because I think they look kinda neat. It would go with my very expensive print of an owl in a snow covered pine tree but then again, maybe not!

My wife and I love these clocks!! We have several throughout the house and to this day we both still have our sanity. Of course, all things are relative. For years I lived next to railroad tracks and after a period of time found myself wondering when the last train rolled by. You just get accustomed things. For all you folks who can't stand 'em.... throw 'em our way!

My sister gave us a singing FROG clock. My wife HATES it. My 6-year-old peeled off the directions on the back of the clock that explained how to set it so the correct frog croaks with the correct time. I remember the directions referred to BIRDS instead of FROGS, so these clocks are very similar. Could someone please type up the directions and send me an email on how to set the stupid clock? I think you have to turn the hands to 10:00 before putting the 3 batteries in, but I'm not sure. Thanks! email: greenbunny_hophop@yahoo.com

June 2002

I am actually trying to find a bird clock to buy for my 2 year old son. My parents received one as a gift several years ago and my son adores the clock. Whether it's the birds and their correlating songs or just the idea that it's at Mimi's house is debatable. However, I am searching online right now (that's how I found this site) to purchase one of the clocks. So I suppose your trash is truly my treasure!

Michelle

Oh, and isn't the bird clock far better and less offensive than the stupid singing bass?
Michelle (again)

August 2002

Sorry, gotta agree to disagree on this one. I saw the clocks in stores, couldn't justify the cost for what's really just a catchy gimmick, then found one (brand new) at a garage sale for $1. Seems like an appropriate price for a toy. I don't mind the hourly chirps (yet, anyway), and the rest of the household ignores it. Still, since I live up in northern Canada, many of the birdsongs are new to me, and are something I'd only hear in a recording anyway. I suppose that's why I haven't grown tired of the thing yet.

As for the Horse clocks...cat clocks....dog clocks....you have GOT to be kidding! I went into hiding after Big Mouth Billy Bass set off a platoon of writhing lobsters, shaking skeletons (of fish, Last halloween), go-go'ing gophers and tango-ing trout. We haven't yet had the "pleasure" of a Dr. Laura clock, or a different 'meow' each hour (there's such a thing? I have cats, and they ALL have the same 1-phrase vocabulary: FEED ME.), and if Wal-mart is kind, we never will. But just in case...not that this peace-loving Canuck would EVER suggest violence...just how sturdy is the housing on these things? Do they respond well to a well-aimed sledgehammer blow?

Dr. Laura kvetching in my home...every hour on the hour...the horror...the horror....

Heck, think of what you COULD have ended up with, and just enjoy the pretty birdies! *G*

Cheers,
Elizabeth B., Alberta, Canada.

Hello....I love the singing bird clocks. I used to have one but the clock part quit working. I would give anything to get another one. The only one worth having tho is the Audobon Society one with the owl at 12:00. The bird sounds are so much more real tham the other. They cannot be found on any of the sites that sell singing bird clocks because the company that made them went out of business.

- MJW

I have not been so amused in quite some time by the myriad and varied reactions to an inanimate object. Hilarious! Even more so are the folks who take the time and energy to vent their angry opinion of your page, when all they have to do is click and the whole site is gone. Why not just ignore? "Fare thee well and enjoy, if you can"??? Wow. Can you?

But i stumbled across this site looking for the kind of bird clock that my sister has, which i find to be a not-unpleasant novelty. I was gonna buy one as a gift for my mother-in-law, whom i like. Now, i think i'll either look for another gift, or get her the bird clock with a link to this page!

Thanks for the info and the laughs...
pc
los angeles

I am one of those "nuts" that was searching the internet for this clock. I stumbled upon your website and have been having second thoughts to say the least. I searched our city for hours trying to get one of these for a gift for my uncle.  After scouring several stores I just decided to save some time and started to call around for them. I am now sure judging from the giggles on the other end of the line that many of them have visited your site. Most of them just politely told me that they hadn't carried them for a couple of years in a tone of voice that told me that I must be the only one in the universe that didn't have one. However, I am not the only one that has been looking for them. They have received many requests for them. It's not that I haven't seen them before, my dad has one and really seems to like it, and no, he doesn't live in a trailer park. Now that I wanted to purchase one finding it was almost impossible. I did finally find one in a specialty shop. It was the last one they had left and I was so thrilled to find it. I know that many stores had them for a considerable discount under what I paid. I figured that if I could find one that was less expensive I could always return it if not, it was no big deal because my uncle is a great guy and he is worth it. After reading some of the comments, I am hoping that the extra money paid is for a better model? I am not sure that he is any kind of a "bird watcher" but he does have a few bird collectibles so he does like birds. As I read through the comments I was entertained to say the least. The more I read, the more I thought that perhaps I would need to keep searching for another gift for him. But I have decided that I will in fact give the clock to him and attach the URL for your website if he feels that an apology is in order. If so, I AM SORRY UNCLE RON. If not I hope that he enjoys the clock and your site as much as I have.

Bonnie.

P.S. Please post my comment just in case the above apology is needed.

Howdy.
My coworker and I have been cleaning and refitting a vacated apartment, and we found a clock that had been left behind. It was not a "birdsong" clock, but a "frog croak" model. Of course, we made it play its full repertoir. The digital "reproductions" of these burbling, hooting beasts had us rolling about. They don't sound much like anything from our dear planet, and so I have begun illustrating a new clock face for it, complete with pictures of the beings that might actually make such sounds. It is possible to make these horrible clocks into something worthwhile, it just takes a little playfulness. Cheers

Dael

My mom got one of these for Christmas a year ago. The first time my grandmother came over and heard it was at 8:00 p.m. precisely. I remember this because, when the bird chirped, my grandmother jumped and asked why is that thing hollering elephant at me. She was convinced that was what it was saying. We had to turn it around again so she could hear it was a poor imitation of a bird.
Ashley

Someone gave me the bird clock that has the great horned owl and tufted titmouse on it the other day. He found it at a thrift shop for $2. The problem is, the oriole makes the Woodpecker's sound, and the Tufted Titmouse hoots like the Great Horned Owl. How could that have happened?

[Editor - I recall that there is some set-up needed to synchronize the proper sound to the proper hour -- but I don't recall what it it. Maybe you could cut out the bird images and paste them into the correct spots? Maybe you could consider that your friend got $2 worth of revenge for some prior sleight?]

This is great! In your hopes to dissolve all bird clocks in the world you seem to be getting the adverse effect, although I did not keep score as I scanned through the responses, but it seemed to spread more satisfaction than dis.

My wife gave my 17 year old daughter one of these clocks for a gift. She hung it on her wall and it drove me absolutely nuts for about a month. I work at home and found myself closing my daughter's door while she was in school to muffle the sounds. And then subconsciously I realized I started knowing what time it was by the sounds chirping through the door. My daughter moved off to college last September and much to my joy, took the clock with her. The house was finally quiet...too quiet. I'll be hanged if I didn't start missing the thing. Just this weekend I ran across the garage sale of a like minded person as yourself and now am the proud owner of a brand new "High Quality" bird clock that had never been out of the box. I guess these folks really hated the thing and didn't mind showing it. They must also hate coffee grinders because I got a brand new one of those as well.

One side note. For those who are experiencing sad sounding birds, you might try replacing the batteries.

In any case, thanks for the fun.

Terry

I like your humor. Well, here is how I got my official " NAS " clock; Mom was terminal with cancer and she asked me what I might want to have from her belongings. From my seat on the couch I looked at her bird clock which I heard often during my monthly work in the area overnights when I stayed with Mom. I wanted the clock. And I also said I wanted her to get better which she did not. I have had the clock since Feburary 2001 and it keeps time near my computer. Whenever I hear it, it reminds me of Mom. My pet cockatiel enjoys it as well. Whenever the Goose sounds at 5 PM, I will ask my wife, " what's that Honey ? " as if it were her that said something to me. Sometimes I will do the same at noon with the Great Horned Owl. Just recently I noticed the absence of sound, no more bird noises. Did the raindance with the batteries and all I get now is a click on the hour. I suspect the photo cell circuit is open and got on the net to see what my options might be. I suppose I could open it up and attempt to jumper or short out the photo circuit, but then it would " sing " 24/7. It is a keepsake, a memory of Mom that this sentimental 65 year old Irish/English guy will probably keep, working or not .

Art Cotton: tranottoc@aol.com

PS, thanks for the humor, I suspect you might also be English ?

[Editor - I'm a self-admitted Anglophile, and a resident of the western United States]

I feel compelled to respond even though I am under a time crunch. I love my clock. I had given one to my daughter and when she left for college she had the audacity to take her gift with her. My husband happened to find one at a garage sale and sent it to me. I am currently in Korea and that is a paucity of birds so it is a welcomed addition to my very quiet and monastic room. Having lived in Japan and used the Osen's (hot baths) and their use of "piped" in birds sounds I associate this with the tranquility of the orient.

July, 2003

funny thing about those clocks - i'm in a commuter relationship, wherein we keep two houses. Each has one of the clocks with the owl at 12 o'clock, and we find it rather amusing when both clocks 'sing' while we are talking [to each other] on the phone.

- Mevlannen, from out on the Left Coast

I received one of these clocks from my Andy just before he shipped of to Afganistan. He was killed 4 and 1/2 weeks after arriving and the clock is one of my most cherished possesions. Everytime I here one of the cheerful bird calls it reminds me of Andy.

October, 2017

Greetings from the Northern CA Delta,

Just stumbled upon your Bird Clock page, as I was seeking info on a estate sale item I currently possess. Actually It unlodged itself between the sticky pages of Betty Crocker circa 1956. Praying fervently that it was the golden $$ key to my unfulfilled life, not just the Singing Bird Clocks Key, as it appeared. Being a tortured soul, born to the dreambeats of the Oregon Country Fair, Birkenstock's with Nike Swoosh t-shirts, taught that birds were little god-like creatures, never to be eaten (ok...maybe if organic, free-range on "Holidays") graduate of Meadowlark Elementary, and a native Oregon Duck.

Living now in the Land of Jefferson, America's bread basket, where men join certain clubs. Suit up and pay up to become elite members, with privileges unspeakable where our feathered friends are concerned. My children live nearby in the larger urban areas, where certain law enforcement equipment is commonly referred to as "ghetto birds". After these regular assaults on life as I knew it, how then is it possible for me to hate the Bird Clock? Yes, the Bird Clock hasn't reached Mid-Century status, and I won't be on Pinterest looking for DIY uses, if I had one. I have to put forth my energy now in a new fight. Against one which brings unchartered levels of disgust. Another in-your-face assault, quickly smothering the masses. I can barely utter the words now........ "My Pillow".

Michelle Morrison
Meridian, CA